#BrandBowl Recap – Winners, Losers, and Those That Made You Scratch Your Head.

OH the Super Bowl. A day of overeating, excessive drinking and the only time people go to the bathroom during play. Let’s recap, shall we?

Audi, “Doberhuahua”: Props to the person who first correctly pronounced this dog breed, however unlike it’s feisty pooch star, the ad fell flat. I get it, “don’t compromise,” but you know what? Sometimes you have to compromise and get a mutt (like my doxle) and skip out on the incredibly overpriced vehicle.

AXE, “Make Love, Not War”: In a complete 360 from what we’ve seen previously from AXE, I really think this will be the underdog spot. The emotions triggered are real folks. This isn’t your middle-school boyfriend’s cologne anymore. Bonus points for having the #KissforPeace hashtag promoted before the game.

Bank of America, “Invisible”Go ahead and judge – I’m just not a U2 fan. That being said, the charity angle behind the song is cool.

Beats Music App, “The Right Music”I just love Ellen. And she got the three bears (and their two cousins) to jam. The App spot is much more fun loving then the also awesome Beats by Dre headphone spots featuring Colin Kaepernick and Richard Sherman.

Bud Light, “Aluminum Bottle”Just your standard product spot. Moving along.

Bud Light, “Up For Whatever”: Probably one of the most teased ads of 2014, #UpForWhatever did not disappoint. I love the behind-the-scenes look – you know this took forever for them to plan. I have to respect and advertiser like that. Plus, doesn’t Ian look like Ronnie from Jersey Shore? I just pray we don’t find out Ian knew all about this beforehand.

Budweiser, “A Hero’s Welcome”: Budweiser, are you trying to make us cry into our beers with every spot? Tugging at America’s heartstrings, Budweiser reminds us why we love America, soldier’s homecoming, and that red bottle of liquid courage.

Budweiser, “Puppy Love”: The only thing America loves more than Soldier homecomings? Puppies. Especially precious, mischievous golden retrievers who tweet and are best friends with Clydesdales.

Butterfinger, “Cups”Did anyone else get uncomfortable watching this? Don’t get me wrong, Butterfinger peanut butter cups sound delicious, but they definitely intended for your imagination to run with that one.

CarMax “Slow Clap”: Cute concept, somewhat funny, awesome cameo by Rudy. But the real credit goes to CarMax “Slow Bark” spot, because everything goes better with puppies. (Disclaimer: I totally watched “Slow Bark” first.)

Cheerios, “Gracie”: Cheerios needs a huge round of applause for bringing back the cutest interracial couple ever. Even bigger applause for Gracie putting her foot down and deciding if she’s forced to have a baby brother, she better get a puppy, too.

Chevrolet Silvardo, “Romance”: “Romance” is just fine. It’s a fun spin on the current campaign they have over the past year. “Hello Ladies” is the best line in the entire spot.

Chevrolet, “Purple Roads”I always support a brand who dedicates their time (and as budget) to support a good cause.

Chobani, “Ransacked”: Poor Howard’s Country Store. Not only do they have to sell Chobani, they have to deal with bears who actually like the taste. #HowMatters? Probably because #TasteMatters didn’t test well.

Chrysler, “American Pride”So much America in one spot. Not as powerful as Clint Eastwood’s “It’s Halftime” spot, but Bob Dylan will do. Only question, why can’t America brew it’s own beer? Bob, did you forget about Budweiser & Miller?

Coca-Cola, “Going All The Way”: Personally, I expected more. I was not a fan of last year’s “vote for the next move” thing, but this year’s was flat, too. PS. If you didn’t picture Forest Gump at Alabama when the kid ran past the end zone, we can no longer be friends.

Coca-Cola, “America the Beautiful”: You don’t need my commentary – there is plenty out there.

Doritos, “Finger Cleaner“, “Cowboy Kid“, “Office Thief“, “Breakroom Ostrich” and “Time Machine”: As is tradition, Doritio’s Crash the Super Bowl choose five finalists to compete for the coveted $4 million slot during the game. The Finger Cleaner reminded us not to ask questions (as well as not to put Doritio covered fingers near Jerry from Parks & Rec’s twin); Cowboy Kid brought back the Beast from Sandlot; Office Thief could have been produced by Will Ferrell; Breakroom Ostrich is the crappier version of the Office Theif; and Time Machine shows us what Dennis the Menace has been up to the past 10 years. I was pretty surprised Finger Cleaner didn’t make the final cut (the winners were Cowboy Kid & Time Machine).

GoDaddy, “Bodybuilder”: I’m not sure I will ever understand GoDaddy. They’ve moved on from their half-naked women era, but even with sketchy, model-making-out-with-nerd type ads, they still sell a LOT of domain names. Where are the rest of the domain sellers?! But I digress. I don’t like bodybuilders. I don’t like Danica Patrick. I did, however, enjoy the #ItsGoTime at the tanning salon part.

GoDaddy, “What’s Your Dream”: Note to disgruntled employees, if you need the support of a $4 million spot to quit, you probably should have left weeks ago. Plus, you used a puppet to talk to your boss. Really?

H&M, “David Beckham”You can’t go wrong with David Beckham naked. You just can’t.

Heinz, “Hum”: Come on Heinz, everyone knows the the glass bottles suck. But, it’s a cute spot for a brand who has been absent from the Super Bowl for 16 years.

Honda, “Hug Fest”They tried too hard to be funny. Would have been cute without Fred Armisen.

Hyundai, “Nice”: The actor is famous according to AdWeek, but I don’t recognize him. As with a lot of current-day car spots, it’s a bit ridiculous, but #NiceHashtag put a smile on my face.

Hyundai, “Sixth Sense”: As a Daddy’s girl, I have to love the concept of Dad saving the day. This spot may not make me rush out and buy a Hyundai, but it definitely will post-pone my child-bearing years.

Intuit, “GoldieBlox”: Intuit too the Doritios approach and had users vote on the top four finalists to be featured. The ad itself was completely precious. So much girl power in one spot! Glad Intuit put support behind them.

Jaguar, “Rendezvous”: I don’t think I’ve seen a movie with a British villain in a long time. At least one I knew was British. But I like the hashtag integration #GoodToBeBad, although it seems like an easy tag to be hijacked by Twitterverse.

Kia, “The Truth”: Disclaimer, I’ve never seen “The Matrix.” Laurence Fishburne really only made a stay in my life in CSI, but the opera singing was completely unexpected, and the car is beautiful for a Kia.

Maserati, “Strike”Beautifully executed, but I didn’t see the tie-in with the brand. Underdogs don’t drive a Maserati.

Microsoft, “Empowering”Touching use of technology. One of the better spots in an otherwise mediocre bunch.

M&M, “Delivery”I was not impressed at all with this spot. Sorry, Yellow.

Oikos, “The Spill”: John Stamos can do no wrong. Neither can Danny Tanner Bob Saget or Joey Gladstone Dave Coulier (except for being a Red Wings fan). As a Full House fan, I’m OKAY with the fact that they didn’t focus on the show. The three guys are clearly friends, and Jimmy Fallon brought them back for a reunion, anyway.

Pepsi, “Get Hyped for Halftime”Nothing fantastic, nothing unexpected. Pepsi is the sponsor of Halftime, so it only makes sense their $4 million went to “hyping” Bruno Mars.

RadioShack “80s”:  All the 80s nostalgia! At least Radioshack understands that they haven’t been popular in 30 years.

SodaStream, “Sorry, Coke & Pepsi”It may look a bit different, considering Fox refused to air this “uncensored” spot directly calling out their competitors, but it also made a big pre-game splash. And per-usual, ScarJo looks fantastic.

Squarespace, “A Better Web Awaits”: The internet of your worst nightmare comes to life with this spot. I honestly have no idea what Squarespace does after this ad. Moving on.

T-Mobile, “No Contract, No Worries”I love that T-Mobile used Tim Tebow and his lack of a contract. Plus, he tackles Sasquatch. What else could you ask for?

T-Mobile, “Still No Contract”Oh Tebow. I hope you don’t think this will sell you as a player, but damnit, I’d love you to come sell my brand! Or at least save some puppies from a burning building.

Toyota, “Joyride”: How can you not love The Muppets? Terry Crews is a great crazy guy, and it plays on the flash mob fantasy. I can’t say I would have paid $8 million to air it during the Super Bowl, though.

TurboTax, “Prom”John C. Reilly narrating the life of a young man who desperately needs a shave. Remind me again what that has to do with taxes?

Volkswagen, “Wings”: I watched, and thought “how uncomfortable do all these German guys look?” But when the daughter said “Yeah dad, and then at 200,000 miles they shit rainbows,” I lost it. Touché, VW, touché.

WeatherTech, “You Can’t Do That”America, fuck yeah. but did you actually find out what weather tech is? (They make weather proof truck beds)

Wonderful Pistachios, “Stephen Colbert”Short and sweet with a nice split (both literally, around David Beckham’s body H&M’s spot, and figuratively, with Stephen Colbert cracking his pistachio head).

So there you have it folks – all 44 spots rolled up into one post. A special thanks to AdAge for making sure I didn’t miss anything (aside from movie trailers, because I believe they don’t belong in the Super Bowl).

Which did you like best? (You can watch my favorites below!)

1. “Puppy Love” – Budweiser

2.  “Make Love, Not War” – AXE

3. “No Contract, No Problem” – T-Mobile

Honorable Mention – Cheerios

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