(apologies on the formatting – i don’t really use capital letters on my cell)
to be completely honest, christmas has never been my favorite holiday. not sure why – I enjoy presents, extra time with my family & lights and decor. but for some reason it never grabbed my attention like say, Halloween.
even as an adult, I’m not sure I get it.
I find myself ready for the holiday to be over. this is the first Christmas Eve I’ve spent without my grandpa. for the past 22 years, Christmas Eve was spent with my aunts, uncles and cousins in front of my grandpa’s fireplace, filled with boxes and bags of gifts. each year, we would pray, eat dinner, and patiently wait for the dishes to be clean before opening. as the youngest, my grandpa would tease, “let’s let the oldest open presents first!” to my dismay. of course, this never was the case, as I was incredibly blessed to receive everything a child could want, year after year. and year after year, I was happy.
sitting on my parents couch, I’m not sure if I’m happy or not. again, I’ve been blessed with a good christmas, including an amazing quilt made out of my college tees, but that’s not enough. I’ve lost sight of the true meaning of the season, and the things that truly make me happy.
I’ve got a snuggly puppy who loves
me unconditionally, and parents who want nothing but the best for me. and I am grateful for this and so much more, however I still feel like something is missing. I won’t find it overnight or over the holiday season, but I hope I can find it within myself. I don’t want the joy of the season lost in my own selfishness, nor in the wishes I’m to afraid to make.
to those celebrating, be thankful for those around you, and have a wonderful christmas.